El-P Wrote Fanfiction About a Steven Seagal Movie, Shares Excerpt

Photo by Ellie Pritts

El-P and Killer Mike, aka Run the Jewels, did a hilarious interview with the A.V. Club about their love for Steven Seagal. (Well, more El-P’s love than Killer Mike’s.) You should read the entire thing, and try not to choke with laughter at your desk.

In the interview, El-P reveals that he loves Seagal so much he actually wrote fanfiction about one of his movies, Out for Justice. In the movie, Seagal beats the hell out of “Sticks,” an Asian man whose defining characteristic is his skill for fighting with pool cues. El-P’s story, which he posted an excerpt of on his Tumblr, explores what happened to Sticks after the beatdown:

A desperate, sad cough rings out from the floor. Stix lies on his back in a pool of teeth and blood.

“SOMEONE CALL 911. PLEASE. I’M HURT. I’M REALLY BADLY HURT. CALL MY WIFE.”

Rehab was an intense thirteen-month program and there were times in which he almost cracked under the strain. I visited him, once, right after he was admitted. He was asleep. The clicking and whirring of machines filled the room.

Below, you can watch the scene in which Sticks gets his ass kicked.

And what did Mike learn? “You know what I took from that scene? That I could really put a pool ball in a sock and beat the shit out of somebody with it.” Truuu. Read the whole thing here.

Read “Last Rappers Standing”, David Drake’s feature on Run the Jewels.  

Watch an episode of Pitchfork.tv’s “Over/Under” with El-P and Killer Mike:

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